For Madpriest

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, “Excuse me, where are we?”

“This is Heaven, sir,” the man answered.

“Wow! Would you happen to have some water?” the man asked.

“Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.”

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

“Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in, too?” the traveller asked.

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.”

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

“Excuse me!” he called to the man. “Do you have any water?”
“Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.”

“How about my friend here?” the traveller gestured to the dog.
“There should be a bowl by the pump.”

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

“What do you call this place?” the traveller asked.

“This is Heaven,” he answered.

“Well, that’s confusing,” the traveller said. “The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.”

“Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.”

“Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?”

“No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.”

Christian protests….

Having just recommended him, I found this on Peter Chattaway’s blog. Very interesting, see especially the links to the discussion. WARNING – crude language and humour at the beginning (though I think he was making an interesting point – all the best humour does).

How to cope with your mother-in-law

The reading for today’s communion service was Mark 1 29-34, and I got to thinking about what is making Simon’s mother-in-law unwell. I have a suspicion it was what happened a few paragraphs earlier – Jesus comes out of the wilderness and calls Simon to follow him – and Lo! – Simon does just that.

Now if you’re a good mother, and you see your son-in-law go off following some no-good preacher what’s your first thought going to be? Who’s going to look after my daughter and the family!? And in a situation where you have absolutely no separate power of your own, your world faces imminent collapse, and so you withdraw into yourself, you confine yourself to bed with a fever.

Which, of course, just makes things worse. Not only are you as a woman rather dodgy and untouchable, but now you are ill and you have all the social ostracism associated with uncleanliness to cope with. So nobody’s going to come near you and your stuck stewing in unpleasant juices.

What is a good son-in-law to do? There is only one thing to do: bring Jesus into the conversation. Miracle of miracles – Jesus touches the mother-in-law – hey he’s not such a no-good preacher after all – would you like a cup of tea my dear?

That’s the solution to family problems. Bring Jesus into the conversation.

And pray :o)