About Elizaphanian

Rector of West Mersea

Jesus Christ is not a gay hippy in a dress

I loved this (courtesy of the I-monk). As well as my title quote (apologies for the homophobic element!), this spoke to me:

“People think of a church planter as a pastor. He’s not yet a pastor. He’s trying to build the church so that he can BE a pastor.”

That’s how I feel about my ministry. I’m not yet a pastor – I’m trying to build the church; more precisely I’m trying to bind up open wounds and get the body to knit back together. But being a pastor is what I’m called to be, and who I fundamentally am. It’s just that I can’t be that yet.

There are demons that need to be driven out by prayer and supplication.

My sadness is that I suspect my task in the life of these parishes is to do the structural work. It will be those who come after me who will be excellent pastors.

And that’s alright. These people are so lovely. They deserve excellent pastoring, and if I can help in that process – even if it is indirect – then that is alright.

God’s sense of humour (again)

One of the signs of God’s presence that I perceive is a manifestation of his sense of humour. Just when I get most worked up about musical questions in worship, and how far I’m offending people etc etc, we had Evening Prayer on the last day of the month, and so (as we follow the BCP cycle for psalms) we had the ‘praise’ psalms at the end of the psalmody – Sing to the Lord a new song!

That was me thinking God was taking the mickey, and telling me to lighten up a bit.

And now comes an excellent new set of propositions from the perennially wonderful Kim Fabricius, on what it is to be a minister. Remarkably timely – another way in which I see God acting in my life and telling me to breathe a little more easily. This one spoke precisely to me:

“Ministers are shepherds – though many a member would prefer a pet lamb. As they call their flock to new pastures, and to experimental patterns and models of ministry, they are inevitably going to piss off some of the fat sheep. So ministers must expect to be butted.”

It’s like climbing a mountain

Moses ascended the mountain and came face to face with the living God. That is a true image of worship – that worship is at the top of the mountain, and it takes effort to get there. But lets run with this image a little bit.

The top of the mountain is the ‘best’ worship of which we are capable. It is rich, it is thick, it is edifying and transformational. It is the presence of the living God.

That is where we all want to get to.

Are there different mountains? Possibly. I remember many of my Anglo-Catholic brethren getting very worked up when John Sentamu played his Ugandan drums in between consecrating the elements and distributing them.

Truth is, though, that English people still have a sufficient common culture that there’s no need to talk about different mountains. There probably are such.

So the top of the mountain is that presence of God – and it is that image of God expressing itself in us in triune harmony.

Nobody disputes that that is where we need to get to.

It seems to me that the issue lies in a different direction.

We are roped together, on the climb. The climb has become more difficult; heavy and inclement weather has set in; the blizzard is heavy; the world is being remade around us.

Some of our party are lost. We were tethered together – now we’re not. Don’t know why.

We need to fix our pinions in hard and pay out some more rope – extend the line from where we’ve reached on the mountainside down to those lower down beneath us. We can’t leave them behind. They’ll freeze to death. We’ve got some essential supplies of food for our journey – they haven’t got much.

So we pay out the rope. Some of our number go back down; we find the others – some of them at least.

There are voices from above. The weather is too hard. Let’s just stay where we are. Hunker down. Wait for this storm to blow over. We’ve got the food. We’ll be alright.

From below it’s clear that that won’t work. The lead party are in danger themselves. They’re stuck – and if they stay stuck then they will die. For the mountain itself is moving. What seemed to be rock is in fact a frozen ledge. And the weather will change; that which seemed to be solid will melt – and there is nothing beneath it but the pit.

The group below have found some more rope. It’s good rope; different quality to what we’ve been using but it’ll hold people fast.

If we tie all of us together, we’ll make it through.

Nobody needs to be lost.

The eye cannot say to the hand “I don’t need you!”

If one part suffers, every part suffers with it.

And now I will show you the most excellent way….

TBTM20070502


Simon reminded me that God’s power is made perfect in our weakness. I find that greatly comforting. Lots of signs of God’s presence with me at the moment – which probably means that a ton of ordure is about to descend upon me…

Why liturgy?


Why liturgy?

So that I can learn how to speak; and pray; and praise.

So that I can be taught the truth.

So that I can be shaped by the church; so that I can be made into a disciple.

“When you pray, do this….”

“Do this, in remembrance…”

So that the centre of gravity does not lie in my own feelings and vocabulary but in the expression of the church.

It is not important how I feel when I say ‘Glory be to the Father…’; nor is it important how wholeheartedly I believe what I say. It is a question of obedience – feelings and thought will ebb and flow in my life, but the persistence of discipleship is primarily manifested through obedience.

There are times of walking in the desert. There are also times of entry into the promised land. The point is to maintain the faith and trust in the pillar of fire and pillar of cloud, whether it is day or night within me.

Liturgy assumes a) that I don’t yet know all that I need to know about Christianity, and b) that the church has learnt some of what it needs to know about Christianity. Liturgy is how that learning is passed on, and developed.

Liturgy is properly pluriform, fluid, and evolutionary.

Liturgy is a whole body activity; when done correctly, liturgy is also an ecstatic, out-of-body activity.

There is no greater tyranny than the tyranny of choice. I need to fall in with something that is more important than my own perspectives, within which I can find myself. Anything that I feel competent to choose is automatically diminished by that assessment.

Liturgy is the spacious room in which the Lord has set my feet.

Liturgy is mystery.

Tiredness and judgement

I’m in the process of uploading an audio recording of my Learning Church talk on Saturday, which is the first in a planned sequence of four on Holy Communion. However, one of the things that I am feeling rather strongly is that I’m going to need to spend the first ten minutes or so of the next one unpicking part of what I said, in that I think it’s a mistake to use the language of ‘literal’ when talking about the bread being the body etc. (More on which next week!)

This is just one example of a number over the last few days where I feel my judgement has been slightly off. The most comical one came when taking the family off to a birthday party in the woods, and I went in completely the wrong direction, which caused various delays and mild panics. More serious is that I might have caused offence in certain quarters by writing something in preparation for an important meeting that got sent out in less-than-usually edited form, and that might have consequences.

The explanation is that the journey back from Wales normally takes 8 or 9 hours, most of which is driving at high speed on the motorway. We normally come back a day early from the holiday so that I have a day or so to recover and re-acclimatise. The trouble this time was that I was so wired about this meeting (which I hadn’t planned to take place so soon after my return from holiday, and which was highly ‘political’) that I woke up at 5am on the first morning back and spent a few hours writing up the paper; and then had a fairly full day doing all the mundane jobs of getting back into the saddle, like mowing the back lawn.

All of which means that after only a few days back I am once more feeling absolutely shattered! I’m sure it’s nothing that a few good nights sleep won’t sort out, but even so – it’s a bit worrying. I think I need to take these bodily limits more seriously when I’m planning things. I don’t want the misjudgements to escalate.

Flowers

In lieu of TBTM today, some holiday snaps. First some flowers.



Including my eldest flower:
…and some red leaves.
I’m really enjoying the camera now, though I hope to carry on improving what I can achieve with it.