Category Archives: autobiography

So that was 2010

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2010 has been a good year 🙂

Best thing about the year was the arrival of child #4 – a bit nerve-wracking to begin with, but she’s doing fine now. Definitely the last one!

Worst thing was probably the national press & TV catching up with last year’s events.

I managed to sail quite a bit – but have come to the conclusion that the boat just has to be sold, as we need a second car and can’t afford to run both (can’t really afford the boat at all… took three years to work that out!) Probably going to sell the motorbike too – no point having that and a car.

Managed to get some interest in my book from publishers, but nothing substantial yet. I’ll keep plugging away at that in the background.

Carried on with therapy on a weekly basis – I think I’m much calmer than I was.

Had a bit of a wobble in September and thought about leaving Mersea (tempted by a couple of jobs) but dearly beloved put me back on the straight and narrow path, TBTG 🙂 I am starting to ‘fizz’ again with lots of ideas for things that might be done over the next several years.

Carried on watching films and some TV series – got up to date with Doctor Who, also enjoyed Lost and Fringe, Dexter most of all 🙂 I dropped Sky Sports (which I miss) and Sky Movies – replaced the latter with Lovefilm which, on the whole, I’m happy with so far.

Also bought a PS3, so that I could play Bioshock 2 (brilliant) and several others. Just finished Red Dead Redemption – review to come.

I started to lose weight – from a high of 17 stone 10 pounds I did get down to 15 stone 10 pounds, but have been stable at just under 16 for the last six weeks or so (despite indulgence at Christmas!). Definite challenge for the New Year will be to carry on losing the weight, and also to get back into the habit of regular exercise.

Had a shave. And a haircut.

I feel that there has been an awful lot going on underneath the surface. I have high hopes for what 2011 will bring.

Previous years: 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009.

The original plan was…

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Had to dig out the original ‘parish profile’ for the Mersea benefice – all sorts of fascinating stuff in it – but included was my original application to the clergy appointments adviser when I was looking for a job somewhere.

Question on form: “What is the meaning of your ministry and where do you think God is calling you in the future? In other words, ‘What are you realistically looking for?'”

My answer:
“I would say that the centre of my vocation is ‘the ministry of word and sacrament’ – hackneyed, but true nonetheless. I believe that I have particular gifts in the sphere of teaching and writing, structured by a strong academic training but rooted deeply in orthodox Anglican Christianity, seeking to express itself through following the teaching and example of the Christian mystics. My orientation is towards the church and cloister, not the academy.

“I seek for these gifts to bear fruit in a Eucharistic community: where I can talk the talk, walk the walk, and, by God’s grace, kneel the kneel also. My most fundamental motivations are pastoral, and I view Eucharistic ministry as the opposite side of that pastoral coin – they are one thing, viewed from different sides. I am competent at public liturgy and practical administration, and I would wish to develop my potential in these spheres. I am less good at ‘Youth Ministry’ – partly from my deafness, partly from temperament, partly from doubt as to its validity. I am also not the best at polishing practical details or at tying up loose ends and finishing jobs.

“I conclude that I need the following: a Eucharistic community, in which I can exercise my priestly ministry. A balance of life between different elements of public engagement, pastoral ministry and private prayer. The ability to develop as a contemplative and teacher of the faith. A chance to put down roots and cultivate ‘stabilitas’. The possibility of training as a spiritual director in due course. Such a combination might be found in various different guises and I have no determined sense about what shape it will take. My ideal would be a small parish of my own on the East coast. I am sure that God will make his intentions clear to me at the appropriate moment.”

Not sure I’d say much different today.

Cruel leniency

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“Words of admonition and reproach must be risked when a lapse from God’s Word in doctrine of life endangers a community that lives together, and with it the whole community of faith. Nothing can be more cruel than the leniency which abandons others to their sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than that severe reprimand which calls another Christian in one’s community back from the path of sin.”
(Bonhoeffer, Life Together)

Something I’m pondering.

Embracing St Benedict (as opposed to Killing George Herbert)

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This is from his Rule, on ‘The Character of the Abbot’:

“It is seemly for the abbot to be ever doing some good for his brethren rather than to be presiding over them. He must, therefore, be learned in the law of God, that he may know whence to bring forth things new and old; he must be chaste, sober, and merciful, ever preferring mercy to justice, that he himself may obtain mercy. Let him hate sin and love the brethren. And even in his corrections, let him act with prudence, and not go too far, lest while he seek too eagerly to scrape off the rust, the vessel be broken. Let him keep his own frailty ever before his eyes, and remember that the bruised reed must not be broken. And by this we do not mean that he should suffer vices to grow up; but that prudently and with charity he should cut them off, in the way he shall see best for each, as we have already said; and let him study rather to be loved than feared. Let him not be violent nor over anxious, not exacting nor obstinate, not jealous nor prone to suspicion, or else he will never be at rest. In all his commands, whether spiritual or temporal, let him be prudent and considerate. In the works which he imposes let him be discreet and moderate, bearing in mind the discretion of holy Jacob, when he said: ‘If I cause my flocks to be overdriven, they will all perish in one day’. Taking, then, such testimonies as are borne by these and the like words to discretion, the mother of virtues, let him so temper all things, that the strong may have something to strive after, and the weak nothing at which to take alarm.”

That’s an ideal I could aim at.

My head hurts

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I’ve put a couple of recent sermons up on my other blog (link to the left) – a short funeral address, and today’s Remembrance Day sermon, which seemed to be well received.

Life is incredibly busy at the moment (with lots of good things as well as work!), but I can see a glimmer of space in the middle of this week coming up when I should be able to engage with various questions that I’ve left hanging. Believe it when you see it though…

Free Essex

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Originally posted 2006…

I am an Essex boy, born and bred.

Essex has a population of around 1.3m. If it was a state in the US it would lie 40 out of 50, in other words, bigger than Maine, New Hampshire, Montana or Alaska.

It has a GDP of £15bn. That makes it bigger than, for example, Latvia or Bolivia, which have UN representation, and about the same size as Vermont or Wyoming.

All those places carry certain responsibilities. They can elect their governments. They have their own legal systems. They can control their own affairs.

We can’t. We’re going to end up being controlled by a Scot.

This does not seem just to me.

Sadness

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A cartoon (from here) that really spoke to me. This is a good relevant article.

And then there is this (found here):

The way of the Christian leader is not the way of upward mobility in which our world has invested so much, but the way of downward mobility ending on the cross … Here we touch the most important quality of Christian leadership in the future. It is not a leadership of power and control, but a leadership of powerlessness and humility in which the suffering servant of God, Jesus Christ, is made manifest … To come to Christ is to come to the crucified and risen One. The life-giving apostle embodies in himself the crucifixion of Jesus in the sufferings and struggles he endures as he is faithful and obedient to his Lord. So Paul preaches the crucified and risen Jesus, and he embodies the dying of Jesus in his struggles to further point to the Savior. His message is about the cross and his life is cruciform, shaped to look like the cross … I leave you with the image of the leader with outstretched hands, who chooses a life of downward mobility. It is the image of the praying leader, the vulnerable leader, and the trusting leader. May that image fill your hearts with hope, courage, and confidence.