Music

Thinking a great deal about music at the moment, under many different aspects, and came across this poem in a wonderful collection given to me by a friend. This is by Rabia of Basra, translated by Daniel Ladinsky:

IT ACTS LIKE LOVE
It acts like love – music,
it reaches towards the face, touches it, and tries to let you know
His promise: that all will be okay.
It acts like love – music, and
tells the feet, “You do not have to be so burdened.”
My body is covered with wounds
this world made,
but I still longed to kiss Him, even when God said,
“Could you also kiss the hand that caused
each scar,
for you will not find me until
you do.”
It does that – music – helps us
to forgive.

I am the one who is very blessed

Thinking realistically…

I am 40 years old – many don’t live that long.
I have been married for 13 years and I still love my wife – many marriages don’t last.
I have four healthy and happy children – many can’t have children, many lose their children.
I have a safe and comfortable home – many are homeless.
I am financially secure – many are overwhelmed by financial problems.
I have a job which, despite problems, I basically love – many cannot find any work, let alone something so vocational.
I have faith in God, which enables a profound engagement with life – many find their lives meaningless.
I have hope for the future – many know only despair.

I believe that there are kings in previous centuries who would be envious of my life.

Surely, I am the one who is very blessed.

(So stop complaining Sam!)

You were always on my mind (confessions of an introvert parish priest)

One way in which it is possible to discern truth is that it is something that sets you free. The peacock just can’t be kept down forever…

So I was listening to this song, shortly after a particular conversation about my ministry, and I thought ‘this is it!’

Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Long term readers of this blog will know that I have struggled much with the nature of parish ministry. I think there are problems associated with the nature of the work itself; and then there are problems that are peculiar to me.

The problems that are associated with the nature of the work itself have been thoroughly considered elsewhere, and, really, that book needs to be read by anyone interested in the topic.

So this is about me. There are some things I’m good at, and there are some things I’m definitely not good at – and something I’m becoming comfortable accepting is that one of the things that I’m not good at is something close to being essential in a parish priest.

What is the difference between having a conversation with someone in the Rectory, who has come to discuss something important, and having that same conversation with someone in their own home? Well, one I find straightforward, I enjoy doing it (I think I’m reasonably good at it) and the other – well, there’s the rub. I find it difficult to go out and be with people in their own homes.

I realise that in order to go out I need an excuse and a structure. So, for example, I find it straightforward to take Holy Communion to the housebound. I enjoy that, I find it a very fulfilling element of my ministry, there’s never any ‘issue’ with this – because I have an excuse for going there, and there is a structure for what to do when I’m there. It’s as if I need a comfort blanket, something to fend off all the shyness and insecurity and fear of rejection. Something to hide behind.

Now this is a bit of a problem when you’re the parish priest and people have a natural expectation that the priest will be happy to just call in and talk. I wonder whether the George Herbert stuff was (in part) just a smoke screen – I couldn’t quite articulate what the deepest problems were and fastened on a superficial explanation as an interim place to stand.

It has given rise to some problems, and I’m sure it’s why there has been an “incredibly vicious campaign” against me in the town (not my words, although I don’t doubt the truth).

You always wanted me to be something I wasn’t
You always wanted too much, oh, oh
Now I can do what I want to – forever
How am I gonna get through?
How am I gonna get through?

I think if I was more of a natural people-person, someone who was able to press the flesh and talk the small talk and socialise and schmooze then many of the problems would have been dealt with more readily. I just can’t do that – even just thinking about it is exhausting, and I have enough of an issue with tiredness as it is. The fundamental issue is one of introversion (this is quite a good article if you’re unfamiliar with that jargon. Though I disagree that hell is other people. Hell is the school playground when you’re waiting for your children to emerge). I used to think it was deafness, and how that links in I’m not sure – whether one came first or whether they were formed together, I don’t know. I am quite profoundly introverted and… I’m OK with that. This is how God made me. What it means, however, is that there are always going to be times when the shoe pinches. Times when the expectations and desires clash rather strongly. Or to put it differently, I’m coming to accept that the answer to this question that I posed is ‘No’.

And there are implications to that acceptance.

And that’s alright.

I want to run, I want to hide
I want to break down the walls that hold me inside
I want to reach out, and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

(By the way, the use of Pet Shop Boys videos is by way of extending a middle finger in the direction of a certain unmentionably awful tabloid newspaper that got caught up in the campaign and who thought that liking the Pet Shop Boys was conclusive proof of my general inadequacy. As one kind person put it ‘anyone who has been monstered by the Daily [Flail] is alright by me….’)

4613

I have 4613 unread posts on my feed-reader (the Flock sidebar). I gave up my feed-reader, along with Twitter and Facebook, for Lent. My mind is boggled by how much stuff I was reading before! That’s well over a hundred posts a day. It’s been a good break – not a total break from reading every blog, just about 95% of them – although it would have been even better if life hadn’t been so busy. Had the strangest holy week ever – but that is a story for another time.

4613!! (blooming ‘eck, I didn’t quite say)

UPDATE: I thought I’d say a bit more on this, following a Facebook question from Archdruid Eileen about how much time it takes up. Bear in mind that a) I read very fast, b) I skim-read vast swathes of posts and c) some of it I only access on my day off. So my concern about it wasn’t about the amount of time it was taking up (maybe an hour a day) it was more about the ‘crowding out’ effect, which I mean in two senses. The first is that by consuming so much information, I wasn’t digesting what I was reading, and I felt that this was unbalanced. The second, linked point is that the time that I was reading blogs was time that I wasn’t reading books. In other words, I don’t think that my time reading adjusted very much between discovering a feed-reader and not, it’s just that what I was reading shifted – away from books and towards the internet. I feel that this is a lower quality diet, so I’m going to change my reading habits – and a great number of blogs (a lot of them church-related) I’m going to quietly drop…

Busy

Just to say that things are very busy at the moment – Lenten stuff, annual meetings, all the usual

– but joy of joys, my daughter is being baptised tomorrow morning, and I am just going to be playing the part of Dad – and that means that I don’t have to write a sermon this afternoon – I can put up a blog post instead! At least, until the wedding couple arrive…

(beach photo taken on the 20th January, and only just uploaded from the camera. Busy busy busy!)

Do CofE parishes want – can they cope – with introvert incumbents?

Thinking out loud…

Interesting moment in my therapy this morning, when we got to talking about introversion (lest there be any doubt, “My name is Sam and I am an introvert” [grin]). Did a quick Google search when I got back and was reminded of this interesting article from The Atlantic.

Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? […] Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing.

I was recently reminded of my first thinking about Killing George Herbert, and what parishes actually want. For one way of describing what is wanted – at least, what people tell me that they want, ie ‘this is what we would like you to do'(!) – is to say ‘the parish wants an extrovert’. Someone who is comfortable – no, someone who is enthused and inspired by the social whirl, who will happily be active in seeking conversations, in ‘being visible’ – and, therefore, someone who gains energy from such things. Which is, of course, a possible description of hell for the introvert.

My therapist commented that this was a particularly CofE difficulty. In the Roman Catholic and Orthodox churches it is much more straightforward to serve as an introvert, not least because the expectation is that a person will seek the priest, not that the priest will seek the people. Introverts can be brilliant when a person knocks at the door and seeks specific and particular help (presumably that’s why so many introverts are called to the ministry) but when the dynamic is the other way around (eg “visiting”) then it runs quite strongly against the grain. It’s also why – at least for me – I find liturgy so essential. It’s probably an exaggeration to say evangelical = extrovert, anglo-catholic = introvert, but there’s _something_ there!

I had thought that my deafness was a large part of why I find socialising so draining – which is probably one factor – but I have now come across half-deaf people who don’t worry about group gatherings half so much, so personality does have a lot to do with it.

One final thought – in chatting to some old friends from my curacy at the weekend (I was in London for a big do) – the comment was made that all a parish needs is to know that they are loved. I think that’s true – and certainly something to aspire to – but it does run both ways. There is something here about parishes becoming big enough (in every sense) to be able to accommodate the diversity of priests that pass through, cultivating a flexibility of expectation and valuing the good things about a priest, putting up with the bad. Truth be told, Mersea is pretty good at that… but I know of many colleagues where that hasn’t been true.

More anon.

The authority of Scripture

First published: 19/12/07
Archbishop Rowan – peace be upon him – says in his Advent letter “a full relationship of communion will mean… The common acknowledgment that we stand under the authority of Scripture as ‘the rule and ultimate standard of faith’, in the words of the Chicago-Lambeth Quadrilateral; as the gift shaped by the Holy Spirit which decisively interprets God to the community of believers and the community of believers to itself and opens our hearts to the living and eternal Word that is Christ. Our obedience to the call of Christ the Word Incarnate is drawn out first and foremost by our listening to the Bible and conforming our lives to what God both offers and requires of us through the words and narratives of the Bible. We recognise each other in one fellowship when we see one another ‘standing under’ the word of Scripture. Because of this recognition, we are able to consult and reflect together on the interpretation of Scripture and to learn in that process. Understanding the Bible is not a private process or something to be undertaken in isolation by one part of the family. Radical change in the way we read cannot be determined by one group or tradition alone.”

Sadly I’m coming to see that I don’t agree with this. This post explains why – and it ties in with a conversation about fundamentalism that John, Doug and some others have been having. This is really a post about my view of Scripture, and it’ll overlap with some of my recent Learning Church talks.


I think the first and most important thing to say, and the root of my disagreement with Rowan’s letter, is that I don’t see Scripture as my highest authority; I don’t see Scripture as “the rule and ultimate standard of faith”; and I don’t see Scripture as that which “decisively interprets God to the community” (my italics). To be honest, I’m surprised to hear that from Rowan, but there is a fair bit of evidence that his views have developed over the last several years.

Now why am I saying this? Am I turning into a liberal backslider? I really don’t think so. It’s more that I start from a different place – and a place that I described when discussing the Chicago Statement of Faith. I see Jesus Christ as the Word of God; the Word Incarnate; the Word made Flesh. And I understand ‘word’ to be a mere shadow of what is meant by the untranslatably rich word λογοσ – so all of the emphases relating to all things being created through him and nothing being made without him are very real and meaningful to me. Now I see that Word – the living Christ – as the highest authority, the Lord to which we are subject, and I have difficulty with something other than that Lord being put in his place! Which seems to be what Rowan’s language is doing.

Strangely enough I consider myself to have a high view of Scripture. I would want to talk about the authority of Scripture, and I would want to flesh that out with some description of what it means to live under the authority of Scripture. So, for example, I would want to say that Scripture is a) the principal witness to the Incarnation – and thereby an irreplaceable source for how we know Jesus (and that not being restricted to the Gospels, or even the New Testament); b) independent of my own preferences; and c) something which has the capacity to question and interrogate me, and overthrow my self-delusions. Yet what is often missed is that Scripture testifies about itself that it refers beyond itself. The point of Scripture isn’t that we get to know Scripture, it’s that we get to know Jesus, that we get to know the God who is revealed in Jesus. When this part of the process gets missed then we are stuck with the Pharisees who spend time searching the Scriptures and don’t realise what they are for.

What this means is that Scripture neither captures nor controls Jesus. It is of supreme importance, but it doesn’t have a lock on the living Christ. I believe that there are two other ways in which Christ can be known. I don’t believe that these ways conflict with Scripture – that is, they needn’t conflict with the proverbial ‘right interpretation’ of Scripture – but when Scripture is absolutised in this way then these other forms are needlessly, and recklessly, diminished.

The first way is through the community of the church, most particularly the sacramentally shaped community. Jesus said that wherever two or three were gathered in his name, there would he be in the midst of them. He also said that those who loved Him and obeyed Him would abide in Him, and the Father would make his home with them. This seems to me to describe an independent access to Jesus and the Father, one which is not mediated by Scripture. The community comes first; the praxis of the community drives the formation of the language which shapes and structures the community; and then Scripture captures that language and records it for posterity. Yet the life is not reduced thereby – it remains independent. I believe that Jesus can be known – and his life can be shared, in fact it IS shared – by a community gathered in His name which is concerned to love Him and obey Him. That community will undoubtedly revere Scripture, yet it need not give to Scripture the role which Rowan describes. Jesus will be found in such a community – he will be known in the breaking of the bread – and that knowing is not circumscribed by Scripture, however much the knowing in one way is interpenetrated by the knowing otherwise.

There is also, I believe, a third way in which Jesus is known – and that is by direct revelation. This need not be Road-to-Damascus style dramatics, it may be simply a long, slow dawning realisation that ‘here is Christ’, or ‘this is what Christ requires of me’. Jesus told us that at Pentecost the Spirit would come to give us all that is from Him, and that the Spirit would lead us into all truth. In other words the disciples around him did not have all truth. I don’t believe we yet have ‘all truth’, though I am sure we are more deeply embedded in it. Neither Scripture nor the community can capture the Spirit, for it blows wherever it will – but it will accomplish all that Jesus promised it would.

So I believe that there are three ways in which one can relate to the living Christ at this present time – and I do not believe that Scripture can be so construed as to become hegemonic over the other two.

Let us return to my triangle, which I have amended:

The origin for this triangle was Hooker’s three legged stool, which I’ve always understood as the ‘classic’ Anglican approach, but I’ve made two explicit changes to it as I don’t take Hooker to have the last word(!). I have changed the word ‘tradition’ to the word ‘community’ to better reflect the nature of that field. I could have used the word ‘church’ instead, for that is what I am thinking of but I think that the word ‘community’ is less ambiguous and question-begging. (I also think that Scripture is itself a tradition!) Secondly, I have changed the word ‘reason’ to the word ‘culture’. I was never happy with ‘reason’ as the third element as reason is simply a tool not a source of authority, and as time has gone on it hasn’t captured what that third strand is really about (neither does “experience” which seems to be to be irretrievably compromised by Enlightenment metaphysics, but that’s a whole other story). What seems to be at stake in the third strand is what it means for the community informed by Scripture to incarnate in a particular time and place – not simply what is it to be faithful to Christ, and bear his witness in Scripture and Community, but what is it to be faithful to Christ here and now, in this place and this time, with these people holding these beliefs?

So I see these three sources of authority – in other words, these three ways in which the living Christ can be known – as both interdependent and themselves subject to Jesus himself, who is represented by the yellow area at the centre. I was asked, when discussing this in my lectures, about mysticism, and where it fitted in. Mysticism is the yellow area – it is where our path of discipleship is tending – it is where Christ lives in us and we live in him – and each part of the triangle is capable of leading us there.

No area of the triangle can preclude access to Christ from anywhere else and – possibly more importantly – each of the areas need the others if they are to have a full understanding of Him. The outer ‘spikes’ represent what happens when one of the areas believes it can travel alone. So the outer green represents fundamentalism; the outer blue represents a dead tradition and ritualism; the outer red represents the logical culmination of liberalism in atheism and cultural collapse.

The mid-points also represent something.

Firstly, opposite the red cultural area is a mid-point between tradition and community. This I see as ‘conservative’ Christianity, opposed to innovation, concerned to safeguard the faith that we have inherited; as opposed to the opposite side which might be seen as the ‘liberal’ emphasis in the faith – that which is most concerned to be understood in the culture as it actually exists.

Secondly, opposite the blue community area is a mid-point between scripture and culture. I see this as charismatic Christianity, concerned to express the living reality of worship and being filled with the Spirit; as opposed to the blue Anglo-Catholic area (where I would situate myself) which is most concerned to carry forward the gifts, blessings and commands which Christ gave to his body, the church.

Finally, opposite the green area is a mid-point between culture and community. I see this as liberal Catholicism – Affirming Catholicism territory – which seeks to renovate the inherited traditions of the church in such a way that babies are not discarded with bathwater; as opposed to the green Scriptural area which is concerned to be faithful to the teaching of Scripture, the Word of God written down for our instruction, God-breathed and useful. This tensional line, between the liberal Catholic and the Scriptural is clearly the one presently dividing our Communion, however differently it is described elsewhere (in other words, it’s not simply a conservative-liberal argument).

We need all the different elements in order to be complete.

Which is why I have real problems with Rowan’s letter, and the language he uses – however well supported and affirmed they might be within Scripture and the tradition of Anglicanism. What Rowan seems to have done is exclude any way in which Christ might make himself known in a new way. For undoubtedly Christ does do so, and sometimes we are called and commanded to change both how we interpret Scripture and how the community functions; that is, even when Scripture and tradition are unanimous on a matter, that is still not sufficient to capture Christ. That happened with regard to slavery; it is in the process of happening with regard to women’s ministry. The argument at present is whether it should happen with regard to homosexuality. What Rowan seems to have done, through using the language that he has, is made such a development impossible, given the form of authority that he here recognises.

My qualm is not that the changes that TEC have made are necessarily right (though I become more persuaded that they are, however many tactical qualms I have) – it is more that the schema that Rowan here endorses precludes the possibility of change as such. I can’t believe that Rowan intended this wider consequence, but nor can I see a way for the Spirit – understood as potentially conflicting with “Scripture” and “Tradition” – to be allowed to lead us into all truth.

One final aspect to all this. I feel as if I am at one and the same time finally becoming a Protestant, in the sense of abandoning catholic ecclesiology, at the same time as realising that Protestantism is an historical phase which is coming to an end. In that latter sense it is not a matter of ecclesiology but of culture, of relationships to texts and the written word, which was dominant in North-Western Europe for (say) five hundred years from the invention of the printing press to the invention of the cathode ray tube. I don’t believe that a Christian living in the contemporary world can ever have the same attitude to Scripture – indeed, to any text – as would have felt so natural as to be unobservable in the Modern era.

So I am a little troubled by the way my thoughts have gone. Yet I simply can’t see Scripture in the way that Rowan seems to require, and I suspect that I am not alone in this. So I shall continue to worry and fret about the choices that will soon be imposed upon us, yet my mind is also gaining clarity as to what is at stake, and therefore what is right. Above all, I shall continue to trust in Him who is my highest authority, revealed to me in Scripture and through my sacramental community, and who wishes for me to reveal Him here, and now, on Mersea.

So that was 2010

2010 has been a good year 🙂

Best thing about the year was the arrival of child #4 – a bit nerve-wracking to begin with, but she’s doing fine now. Definitely the last one!

Worst thing was probably the national press & TV catching up with last year’s events.

I managed to sail quite a bit – but have come to the conclusion that the boat just has to be sold, as we need a second car and can’t afford to run both (can’t really afford the boat at all… took three years to work that out!) Probably going to sell the motorbike too – no point having that and a car.

Managed to get some interest in my book from publishers, but nothing substantial yet. I’ll keep plugging away at that in the background.

Carried on with therapy on a weekly basis – I think I’m much calmer than I was.

Had a bit of a wobble in September and thought about leaving Mersea (tempted by a couple of jobs) but dearly beloved put me back on the straight and narrow path, TBTG 🙂 I am starting to ‘fizz’ again with lots of ideas for things that might be done over the next several years.

Carried on watching films and some TV series – got up to date with Doctor Who, also enjoyed Lost and Fringe, Dexter most of all 🙂 I dropped Sky Sports (which I miss) and Sky Movies – replaced the latter with Lovefilm which, on the whole, I’m happy with so far.

Also bought a PS3, so that I could play Bioshock 2 (brilliant) and several others. Just finished Red Dead Redemption – review to come.

I started to lose weight – from a high of 17 stone 10 pounds I did get down to 15 stone 10 pounds, but have been stable at just under 16 for the last six weeks or so (despite indulgence at Christmas!). Definite challenge for the New Year will be to carry on losing the weight, and also to get back into the habit of regular exercise.

Had a shave. And a haircut.

I feel that there has been an awful lot going on underneath the surface. I have high hopes for what 2011 will bring.

Previous years: 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009.